Asexual Awareness Week will be the primary focus of next month’s issue, but for now, here are some myths about asexuality that could do with correcting.
X Asexuality is a rigid and fixed identity.
Asexuality is a spectrum. There are so many a-spec identities, all with unique definitions. The common thread that links all of them is the lack of sexual attraction, but this experience can come in many varieties. A demisexual person may experience sexual attraction, but only when a strong emotional bond is made with someone. A Greysexual people may experience sexual attraction infrequently or only in specific circumstances. Lithosexual people might experience sexual attraction, but lose their attraction upon the reciprocation of those feelings. The list of a-spec identities goes on for a while, and is all the evidence in the world that there is no one way to be asexual.
X Asexual people can’t possibly know they’re asexual until they’ve had sex.
If you’ve ever said this to anyone, why?. You wouldn’t go up to a straight person and say “how do you know you’re straight… have you even TRIED gay sex…?” It’s made even more perplexing by the fact that many asexual people do willingly have sex with their partners either because they’re indifferent to it, will do it to please their partner, or enjoy the intimacy of it. Although, it is also worth mentioning that a majority of the asexual community label themselves as either sex-averse or sex-repulsed.
X Asexual people just “haven’t found the right person yet.”
NO. NO. Some asexual people do experience romantic attraction and some do not, but regardless of that, being asexual does not mean that we cannot form romantic relationships. It’s bizarre. You wouldn’t say this to a straight person or a gay person to try and ‘disprove’ their sexual orientation. Hearing that I “haven’t found the right person yet” is also not the comforting remark you think it is. Grow up.
If you’re still not clear on what asexuality is, here’s a little exercise that makes it absolutely crystal clear. Picture someone in your head whom you are not sexually attracted to. This could be anyone of any gender. Real or made up. You got them? Good. Now imagine having that experience of lacking sexual attraction towards everyone you meet. It’s pretty easy really.
Skeptics have difficulties comprehending asexuality out of a refusal to consider it a legitimate sexual orientation. There is a reason most (if not all) of these misconceptions exist purely in relation to asexuality and no other sexual orientation, after all. Asexuals, should they wish to be in queer spaces, should be there. End of story.
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